Fresh Start.

I’d take you back in a heartbeat you know?
And it’s not just because of your loss or sorrow,
yes, my heart aches to reach out to you,
to comfort you,
to hold you and hug you like I used to,
but honestly, I’d take you back simply because I miss you.

But you don’t want to hear that, do you?
Or maybe you do, I can’t say for sure.
But the risk of losing what is left now too,
is too much to bear.

We clicked instantly from the time I met you,
and even though we fought a lot, our love yet grew.
We fought with one another for as many times as the years I have known you;
maybe we were toxic to each other or maybe our years together were too few.

By now you must be apprehensive, “why now?”,
you must be wondering.

But fear not, as I do not wish to take opportunity of your weak moment,
I am not here to reminisce of what I had with you.

Because, in the end, it didn’t even matter, not to you.
You chose her.

From school to college our distance had grew,
and that’s when I knew,
it was me who had to go.

I did not fight or cry,
because I knew no matter how hard I try,
she and I could not be both in your life simultaneously.

So even though it broke my heart,
I built a wall between us,
With no more hopes of a fresh start.


I wrote after a long time. Almost a year in general and almost 2 years later if I talk about poetry in specific. This one’s very personal but I decided to post it anyway!

Thanks for reading!

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How?

This one’s for everyone who have been asking me how did I do it.

How I, out of all, managed to score 97.6%.

It was surprising, at the least and out right shocking at its best. And not just for others but for ME too (I swear I’m not being modest here).

Everyone’s been asking me if I ever did anything else other than studying and the likes “din bhar padhti rehti hogi na?”

But truth be told, and those who know me well and have seen me throughout these two years would agree, I hardly studied. No kidding I swear.

So How?

Well since so many people kept on asking me, I decided to write down some tips and my advice to all the people who are gonna take their 12th boards this year or in the coming future…

So here goes,

#1 You do you.

Don’t spend your time wondering how so and so are studying or what do they do to get the marks they are getting and all of that. NO. Find out the way you are able to perform your best. That’s what’s needed. That’s what will get you the marks you are chasing. It’s not necessary that the way your bestfriend studies or the class topper studies will work in an equally fruitful way for you. From personal experience, I almost flunked in various tests the entire year in some subjects. But I knew what I needed to do to score well in those subjects and when the time came, I studied. And these are the subjects I scored the highest in the boards.

Another thing is, some people will tell you that early morning study is the best whereas others say they study better at night. Personally, I used to study at night as I found that time to be very peaceful and comforting. So what’s important is that you need to find out what suits YOU best.

#2 Quality over Quantity.

Again, it’s not about how long you study, but how well you do. So it’s not important that you study for a certain amount of time or number of hours in a day. Instead, make small daily goals which you should accomplish in a day. Like a till about a certain topic of a chapter or so.

#3 SLEEP.

OMG, I can’t stress enough on this. You NEED to sleep! Seriously, it is not humanly possible to function at our best when we are sleep deprived. You may feel like it’s a waste of precious time but trust me, it actually helps you save time by improving your concentration and memory so you are able to take in more information in a shorter span of time.

(Fact: One sleep cycle is of 1.5 hours or 90 minutes)

Therefore, I’d suggest you to sleep entire sleep cycles. From personal experience, I felt more well rested when I slept for 3 hours as compared to when I slept for 4. So in this way, either sleep for 3 hours or 4.5 hours. That’s how you do it. Similarly, when you take a nap, either take a short nap of 30 minutes at the max or sleep for 1.5 hours straight. Never take a 1 hour nap, if possible, because then you end up feeling groggy for the next 30-45 minutes.

The other thing is how many hours of sleep should we have in one night? Well the answer to that is, as many as you think you require to feel fresh and well rested. I need 9 hours. Some need 7, Modi needs 4 apparently, so you see, it’s relative. So I either slept for 9 hours straight, or slept for 7.5 hours at a stretch and then later took another nap of 1.5 hours if possible.

So please guys, Do NOT mess up your sleep schedule. Get proper sleep. It’s required.

#4 Compete with yourself, not with others.

This is something really important. Remember, that your competition is with yourself, not with with others. In every test that you take, as long as you perform better than what you did in the last one, you ARE good to go. And trust me on this, it’s not about being the best in a certain group of people, it’s about being the best you can be. When you do that, you don’t need to beat anyone anymore for some position.

#5 Quit social media.

Okay this is relative too, but I think this really helps. I am not saying that for the entire last 2 years of your school life you should comepletely stay away from all kinds of social media. Because if you do that you’ll be missing on a lot of fun tbh xD. But my point here is, at least during exam season, uninstall all social media from your phone. Okay tbh I still had my WhatsApp because there used to be important info coming in there but that’s about it. I used to uninstall all apps 1 week before my exams began and reinstalled them after the last paper. For the boards I uninstalled after farewell in Feb. So yeah. And more importantly, when you are doing this don’t cheat by logging in from Chrome okay?

We think we can manage our time and not get distracted, but the thing is, it does hamper with our concentration! So if you think you can avoid getting distracted by all those snaps and DMs then sure, go ahead, like I said, you do you. But if you are even slightly distracted by it, go right ahead and uninstall them. It will be difficult for some of you, I know, but trust me, it’s worth it.

#6 Talk.

I lost a friend to the stress of 12th boards. His physics paper didn’t go well, at least not as good as he was expecting it, and he… took an extreme step.

That is one of the many reasons I’m saying this, 12th boards can be extremely stressful. It will probably be the MOST stressful period of your life till date. And no matter how many times or how many people tell you not to get overly-stressed, you are very likely to get overwhelmed with everything going on around you. Therefore, I urge you all to talk.

Speak up.

It may feel like nobody is listening or nobody really cares as along with you there are millions of people going through the same thing at the same time and you may feel like you are expected to stay strong and appear sorted and the likes.

But let me tell you, it’s okay to be not okay. It’s okay to be scared, to not meet up to every expectation, to fall, to make mistakes, to fail even (not in the boards though xD). But my point is, it’s okay to be “weak” at times.

Take a break.

Breathe.

It’s okay.

And when you are ready, get back to your goals.

People are there to help you, to listen to you, all you need to do is ask. Don’t hesitate.

Have atleast one such person by your side who is ready to listen to you, it can be your bestfriend, your parents, your elder sibling, for me it was my boyfriend, so anybody will do.

Most importantly remember this, no matter what happens, it’s NOT the end of the world!


So those were my tips / advice to anyone wondering how I scored so much and all. If you have any other queries related to particular subjects or something else, hit me up and we can talk.

P. S. If any of you ever feel like you need to talk and require someone to listen, please reach out. I’ll be more than happy to help. No matter the time! 🙂

Thanks for reading! (I know this was pretty big XD).

And finally,

BEST OF LUCK!!!

Heartbreak.

To Girl with a Broken Heart,

How are you doing, love?

It hurts, doesn’t it?

It hurts bad. I know.

And it’s supposed to hurt. It’s supposed break your heart into a million small pieces. It’s supposed to feel like it would never be the same. It’s supposed to do every thing that it’s doing to you.

That’s what the first heartbreak is. It’s much worse than the happiness the first love brings.

It makes you question why you even bothered in the first place.

It makes you question, everything.

It changes you.

That’s the bad part of it.

Now the good part is,

It gets better.

You don’t wanna believe me now and you have all the reasons not to.

But it does.

And I can promise you that.

But it will take sometime. You gotta give it time. And I know it’s difficult to do that when every second feels like forever.

But, this too shall pass.

You miss him don’t you? But you aren’t missing the person for who he is. You are missing the person who you thought he is.

The person you wanted him to be.

I know it’s difficult. To fight the urge to reach out.

If first heartbreak is difficult, then choosing to walk away is 10 times more difficult.

I know. I get it.

But you chose yourself.

Don’t you dare feel guilty for it.

Choosing to protect yourself. Choosing happiness. Choosing sanity.

You did the right thing.

Believe it.

You want to hate him don’t you? But your heart…

But trying to hate him won’t lessen your pain.

Letting go, would.

But it’s too early for that.

So try to hate him for a while, until you are ready.

Ready to let go.

Ready to set yourself free.

Give it sometime, and, you will be.

In the meanwhile,

Look around.

It may feel like life’s over.

But it’s not.

There are people who love you. Adore you. Cherish you. For who you are.

Not everyone can see a coal for the diamond it is.

You are a diamond, my dear.

Don’t let anyone, EVER, make you believe otherwise.

Not even yourself.

And I promise you, a few years down the lane, you’ll laugh over this.

And help another girl, with her first heartbreak.

Until then,

Take care of yourself love.

Take good care of yourself. Treat yourself right. Do whatever makes you happy.

Because you deserve it.

Oh also,

I love you. We got this. I promise.

From,

The Girl Who Survived Her First Heartbreak 🙂

Rape. 

Delhi: 4- year-old ‘raped’ by classmate”

“Ranchi: Principal molests 6-YO in school washroom, claims to have NOT done ‘any big crime'”

“Kolkata: GD Birla two PT teachers molest 4 year old”

These are only the most shocking of the rape cases that I’ve come across in less that 15 days among many others.

I have just one question.

WHY?

Just… Why?

Were some “humans” always so fucked up?

Or is it a recent development?

Are they gonna explain it with the usual “her dress was too short” logic? Or was she “asking for it”?

They were in their fucking single digit ages for fuck’s sake. Of course her “dress” was too short. Coz it was a fucking FROCK.

In all the three above mentioned cases… You know how they tried to keep the kid’s mouth shut? Yup, with a chocolate.

Like what do you even fucking think about yourself huh?!

I am glad these three kids told their parents. They’ll be safe now… But this…

When will this even stop?

Forget being safe outside our homes… I’ve lost count on how many cases I’ve heard of child sexual abuse (me included) by family members (or people considered close).

Disgusted or horrified doesn’t even being to explain how I feel when I read such cases.

In the first above mentioned case specially… For 10 mins I sat there re-reading the damn article because what does one even say to that? 4 YO ‘raped’ 4 year old.

I really don’t know what’s the world coming to, I swear.
That’s about it for my rant.
Bcoz unfortunately, whether we like it or not, there will again be a minimum of 3 cases of rape in the newspaper again tomorrow; only to be forgotten day after.
Fucking great.

Alive. 

“It takes just oxygen to be alive; but a lot more to FEEL alive” – A. S.

Inhale. Exhale.

Are we alive?

Inhale. Exhale.

Or are just existing? 

Inhale. Exhale.

Is there a difference? 

Inha… Fuck this shit. 

YES. There is.

I don’t think we’re alive. No. We’re merely existing. Well, I don’t really know about you, but I don’t feel alive for sure. If you are alive, congratulations! You are among the lucky few.

I say this because how does one feel alive when even the breath one takes has to be with the accordance of many others? Of course. You may want to contest that. You may say that we own ourselves and nobody is allowed to tell us what we should or should not say or do. After all that’s what freedom is all about right? But let me tell you this. That’s not how it works for us. Most of us. In any case, me for sure.

I don’t feel alive because to me being alive is about doing what I want to do without fearing the consequences. But how do I do that when everything comes with a consequence? I wanna watch that show. But can’t. Coz I have work to do. I wanna go to that concert. But can’t. Coz I have papers next day. I wanna take a leave so that I can rest. But can’t. Bcoz if I don’t have that 75% attendence then I’m done for. The list is endless. Of all the things I want to do but can’t. Bcoz there are things I am supposed to do. You call that living? 

To me being alive is the absence of fear. Fear of both the known and the unknown. And guess what? We are all afraid. Some are afraid of death. Others of ‘what if’s. And one can’t live with fear. No. One merely exists. 

The other day I saw this video. You may have seen it too. The video featuring Muniba Mazari urging us to live. “Don’t die before death arrives”. She said something along those lines. Truly inspirational.

That got me thinking… My inner self screaming ‘Yes! I want to LIVE.’ I want to do all those things which are on my bucket list. Take that trip. Watch that show. Get that hair colour. Anything.

But yet.

Yet, I’m being pulled by strings of ‘should’s and ‘must’s. Like a puppet.

But the puppet is not alive. Then I ain’t either I guess.

Are you? 
 

Hey There!

Hello to whoever is reading this! First of all thank you for stopping by (I hope I didn’t have to plead too much to you to check this out xD). And if you have come across this by chance well then nothing makes me happier!

Okay, enough with the rant!
So, most of you probably know me. Many of you may not really know me but that’s okay I guess… For the ones who don’t, I’m just another teenager with too many things on my mind.

I’ve been toying with the idea of having my own blog for a while now as I used to write previously but could never find enough courage to actually have one coz one big question “What to write?”

But now that I have made this blog I just decided to write all that comes to my mind from time to time.

So, I really do hope that this will be worth your while and you’d like the content. For the ones who don’t like well, there’s a disclaimer at the top.

Oh and positive criticism is appreciated!

Okay? Okay.